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The devoted fiancee who's sticking by her man, the father of her son, despite the fact he wants to become a woman
By Helen Weathers
Last updated at 1:58 AM on 20th February 2010

Until six weeks ago, Andrea Fletcher was the partner of respected writer and journalist John Ozimek. She was the mother of their five-year-old son Rafe and very much looking forward to, one day, becoming his wife.

She has wanted to marry him ever since their first date seven years ago, walking along the pebbled beach at Aldeburgh in Suffolk, wrapped up against the cold and eating chips, and it is not difficult to understand why she fell for the Oxford graduate and former IT and marketing consultant.

A quick look at John Ozimek's photograph shows a handsome, seemingly confident, middle-aged man whose image sits perfectly with his intelligent essays on political and sexual liberty, censorship and data protection, which are regularly published on a broadsheet newspaper website.

*Still in love: Jane and Andrea are handling the challenges of the sex change one step at a time










Publicly held in high regard, in private, too, he was all Andrea could have hoped for. Kind, gentle, honest, reliable, he is a devoted father not only to their son, but to his 16-year-old daughter Natasha from a previous marriage and Andrea's daughter Meg, also 16, from her previous marriage.

Yes, Andrea would have loved to become Mrs John Ozimek. She still would. Only John Ozimek doesn't exist any more. Andrea's partner is now called Jane Fae.

Just after Christmas, when Andrea had given John a nice sweater and a chunky silver bracelet, he confessed that ever since he was in his teens he'd never felt happy as a man, could no longer repress his true feelings, and wanted to live as woman.

Until that moment, Andrea hadn't had a clue. 'To begin with I thought that John was going through some kind of mid-life crisis. He'd always been very open and communicative, but suddenly he was very distant and distracted with me,' says Andrea. 'Unhappiness seemed to ooze out of him, but every time I asked him if there was something wrong, he'd say no. He became very preoccupied with his appearance, started growing his hair and then joined a theatrical group.

'One afternoon I cornered him in his study and said: "You've got to tell me what's going on." I asked him if he was having an affair and he said: "You couldn't be more wrong."'

'I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe he was seriously ill or having an affair, and would one day turn up outside the house driving a red sports car and announce that he was leaving me for another woman. One afternoon I cornered him in his study and said: "You've got to tell me what's going on." I asked him if he was having an affair and he said: "You couldn't be more wrong."

'He was silent for what felt like an age. I was terrified he was going to tell me he had a terminal illness and was dying. Then he said: "I think I have gender issues."

'I said: "What the hell are you talking about?" and that's when he said: "I'm not really a man." Because I'd been expecting him to tell me he was dying, what I actually felt was huge relief and I said: "If that's what it is, that's fine. I can cope with that." '

The couple stayed up all night, talking until 6am. John told Andrea that he'd been to his GP for counselling, because he was in turmoil and didn't know how to tell her - fearing she would pack her bags and leave with the children.

'I wasn't angry with him, I was just cross that he hadn't told me before. I felt sad for him, for having to live with these feelings for so long,' says Andrea, a full-time mother.

'Of course it was a shock, but it didn't affect my feelings one little bit. I loved this person, and I knew I would always love this person regardless of gender.'

Few women might feel that way. Research shows that the majority of relationships collapse following the discovery that one person in a partnership feels that their true gender is at odds with their physical body, but Andrea insists she will not leave her 'soulmate'.

* Before the change: Andrea, John and Rafe before the change











So, if John is now Jane, what does that make her?

'I suppose I am an accidental lesbian now,' she says, trying to sound light-hearted. 'No, this isn't what I signed up for when I first fell in love with John - I like a man in a nice suit - but it doesn't scare me.

'Every day I can see her becoming more happy and comfortable with herself. The awkwardness is gone. In some ways our relationship is even better - more honest.'

Even as she says this, however, Andrea looks bereft.

The day after John's confession, Andrea went shopping to buy Jane a bottle of Estee Lauder perfume as a gift. Then, she returned the presents she'd bought John for Christmas, exchanging them for a pretty pendant and matching bracelet that Jane is wearing today.

Then, they faced the daunting task of telling their children. Andrea's daughter Meg simply responded with 'cool', but John's 16-year-old daughter Natasha was far less happy.

'Natasha had a few wobbly moments and was worried she would become the target of unkind comments, but so far that hasn't happened,' says Jane, who has informed the children's schools in Peterborough of the intended change of gender.

As for five-year-old Rafe, he's too young to really understand. 'He still calls Jane "Dad" because that's who she is,' says Andrea, somewhat confusingly. 'The first time Jane came downstairs wearing women's clothes, Rafe asked: "Why is Dad wearing a skirt?" but I explained that some daddies wear skirts if they want to, and he just accepted it.

'At first, I didn't want Jane doing the school run because I was worried how the other parents might react, so we told Rafe's teachers and asked for everyone to be informed. So far everyone has been very accepting.'

'I saw two women at the supermarket laughing at Jane as they went past her, then they turned round and went back with their trolleys for another look. I was so angry, I went storming over and said: "At least she's not fat and ugly like you!" That shut them up.'

Jane, who changed her name in January, is the first to admit that it is very early days in her 'journey' towards becoming a woman and as a family they are still trying to adjust. She, however, seems to be the only one truly happy with her new identity.

Diagnosed with 'gender dysphoria' by two doctors in January - an NHS psychiatrist and a private genderalignment specialist - she must live as a woman and undergo psychotherapy for up to six months before she can be prescribed female hormones to properly begin the physical transition into a woman.

After two years of hormone therapy, during which she will go through a 'second puberty', Jane hopes to finally undergo gender re-alignment surgery.

Jane knows that at 6ft 3in tall, with size 11 feet and thinning hair, she does not 'pass' very convincingly as a woman, but she insists she is happy in a way she never was as man.

Arriving with Andrea at the hotel where we meet, Jane has chosen her clothes with care: a long, plum-coloured skirt, matching sweater and black suede knee-length boots. Her make-up is understated and her nails are painted pink. She has recently lost three stone because: 'It's OK being a fat middle-aged bloke, but not a fat middle-aged woman.'

She says she does not want to look like a man in drag or a 'freak show', but she certainly attracts curious glances wherever she goes. Sometimes Jane suffers verbal abuse, especially from men, but she hopes female hormone therapy will soften her features and help her blend in.

It is Andrea, more than Jane, who finds the ridicule of strangers hard to take and at times, during the interview, her tears betray just how hard this transition is proving.

On Jane's first visit to the supermarket a few weeks ago, other shoppers openly pointed and sniggered. Jane sailed past with her trolley pretending not to care, but it broke Andrea's heart.

'I saw two women laughing at Jane as they went past her, then they turned round and went back with their trolleys for another look,' says Andrea. 'I was so angry, I went storming over and said: "At least she's not fat and ugly like you!" That shut them up.'

* Change of heart: Charles Kane decided he didn't like life as a woman - after many gender reassignment operations - and reverted to life as a man










Jane strokes Andrea's hand as she recounts this story: 'I was terrified that Andrea would leave me when I told her and I do feel that my decision to live as a woman is selfish.

'If I could have kept these feelings locked away indefinitely then I would have done, but I couldn't. This is who I am. People keep using the word "brave". It really isn't: not transitioning would be brave, because that would mean going against every instinct in my body.

'I wish I were smaller, with elegant, small feet and if there was one thing I could fix, I would start with my receding hair, but I'm happy because this is me. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my skin,' says 52-year-old Jane.

'I was not born a woman, nor have I experienced life from birth as a woman, so I'm not making any claims for myself, but in many ways I feel like a teenager again, discovering exactly who I am.'

Jane grew up in Birmingham, the son of Andrzej Ozimek, a Polish-born GP and police doctor, and Peggy, his English mother. One of his younger brothers is a GP living in New Zealand; the other died in a car crash aged 21.

'When I was a teenager, it wasn't so much the feeling of being a woman trapped in a man's body, but rather a sense of unease being a man. I looked enviously over the fence, wishing I was on the other side. I was always attracted to female company,' Jane says.

John Ozimek was around 12 when he first secretly tried on women's clothes. It both thrilled and terrified him - so much so that he vowed never to do it again. For the next three decades, he simply locked those feelings away, hoping they would disappear.

He had a passion for politics and in 1979, aged 21, became Britain's youngest parliamentary candidate, contesting Newham South in London for the Liberal Party. A Labour safe seat, he lost, but remained heavily involved with the party's national executive.

Later, working in the macho environment of marketing and consultancy, Jane says felt she had to 'invent' a male persona to fit in, but at high-powered meetings would feel like a 'shy teenage girl', avoiding the dynamic males and gravitating towards the few women present.

'I have always been physically attracted to women, although with hindsight I can see that I fell into some physical relationships with women, when all I really wanted was to be friends with them,' she says.

'I've always been very feminine and sensitive. I like doing traditionally female activities such as cleaning, ironing, cooking and washing up. The emotional intimacy of love-making has always been more important to me than the physical side.'

Indeed, Jane says she found her male body almost repulsive and recoils with something close to horror at any mention of John Ozimek's pleasing appearance.

Andrea adds: 'Some of my friends used to ask me if John might be gay because he liked musicals and Liza Minnelli. He isn't, but it never even crossed my mind that he might be transgender.

'Now that I know, it's as if I had been given a book with all the clues in its pages, but I couldn't make sense of it until I had the front cover telling me what all those clues meant.'

Jane's first marriage at the age of 33, which produced Natasha, lasted just two-and-a-half years, and she thinks now that perhaps it was her desire to take over the 'female' nurturing role in the marriage that caused conflict.

Jane became main carer to Natasha, and for many years concentrated on being a good parent. It was loneliness that led to the newspaper advert which ultimately brought John and Andrea, then working part-time as a teaching assistant, together.

'I don't know if I will miss what is perceived as male privilege. I know that writing as John Ozimek I will receive 40,000 hits on the internet, while as Jane Fae I have received around two.'

'I fancied Andrea immediately and I am still attracted to her now,' says Jane. 'Of course I wish I had started on this journey when I was younger. It would have been nice to be a woman in my 30s rather than in my 50s, but there was less acceptance back then.'

It was only after Jane's mother Peggy died two years ago, and a chance remark by an interviewee - a counsellor who'd undergone a sex-change operation and who correctly guessed Jane's interest was more personal than professional - that the thought took root.

And once it had taken root, it could no longer be ignored.

'I know this has not been easy for Andrea,' says Jane. 'It is a very steep learning curve for us all.'

Does Andrea still fancy her partner, now that she is Jane? She looksuncomfortable, but says she does, adding that 'John' was never the bloke-iest of blokes' anyway.

Jane is aware that there are some men who have made the full transition 'into the sisterhood' and bitterly regretted it.

British-based businessman Charles Kane has spoken publicly of how ultimately he found a woman's life boring, tired of fashion, hated the female hormonal fluctuations, and missed being taken seriously by men.

'There are some regretters, but I have spoken to other people who are very happy having made the transition,' says Jane,'I don't know if I will miss what is perceived as male privilege. I know that writing as John Ozimek I will receive 40,000 hits on the internet, while as Jane Fae I have received around two.'

For now, though, Jane feels liberated. The newness of being able to browse a make-up counter, buy a nice dress and wear pretty shoes is exciting. She is planning on growing her hair into a bob, and might even go blonde.

And Andrea will be by her side, advising her on how to look and act as a woman.

'I can see strangers looking at her, moving their eyes up and down the body,' says Andrea. 'They see the women's clothes and the elegant walk and then they see the head and the two don't go together at the moment, but they will.'

Jane has yet to take all John's men's clothes to the charity shop - ' just in case' - but she thinks she will start getting rid of them soon. Andrea wants to keep a couple of her favourite shirts. The ones she liked to see John wearing.

No, this is not proving to be at all easy for either of them. Can there be a happy ending?

Last week, after seven years of waiting, Andrea finally received her marriage proposal. From Jane, not John. She accepted. They will both now wear dresses, with Jane joking that she wants the bigger 'meringue', before conceding that a slim, column gown would suit her better.

It is not what Andrea envisaged for herself when she first met John Ozimek, but she loves Jane Fae now. In her eyes, they remain one and the same.